Have you ever been in the situation where you had to watch someone you loved deeply fall for someone else? If you have ever been in this situation, you know how extremely difficult and depressing this can be. How can someone you cared so much for just discard everything you had together? How can they just move on like you meant nothing? Discard you like trash? What do you do? How do you swallow that? You ask yourself questions like “What’s wrong with me? What about all the memories we shared? How could they do this?” No matter what anyone tells you, it’s not simple or easy to deal with. Heartbreak never is. Especially when your now “ex” can seemingly forget about you so easily. Here are some steps I took that helped me get through with my head held high:
- Don’t wallow in self pity
No matter how the end of the relationship came about, BE CONFIDENT. I know this is easier said than done, but know that you are still you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Whatever decision your ex made, that they thought was best for them had nothing to do with who you are as a person. No matter what they say, they still lost you. You are precious, not a commodity.
- Be positive. Be optimistic
You are back on the dating market! You are finally free to mingle and meet someone who actually deserves you. It is going to be a process, but learn to love you exactly as you are. A lot of times when we as women (and men, I’m just speaking from a woman’s perspective) experience something as heart wrenching as this, we tend to beat ourselves up and start to feel worthless. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!! Just because the jerk you were with couldn’t see your value, doesn’t mean you don’t have any. You are a queen, beautiful and precious. Know that, believe that, and walk with your head up.
- Get rid of all their stuff
This step is very therapeutic and very necessary. Don’t hold onto anything that reminds you of them. This is an important part of the healing process and one of the first steps to moving on with your life. If it makes you think of them no matter how big or small, throw it out! You don’t need it, just like you don’t need them. You will be surprised how free you will feel once you do this.
- Don’t torture yourself by observing every move your ex makes
This ladies (and gents) is one thing that was extremely difficult for me NOT to do. Please take my advice, DON’T DO IT!!! Delete them from Facebook, don’t follow them on twitter, Instagram or any other social media sites. Don’t drive by their house, don’t spy on them, don’t ask about them to mutual friends, just don’t do it. This will only bring you more pain and it will drive you insane (and make you look like a crazy stalker person). Don’t worry about them and what they do. Bottom line is, what they do and how happy they are is not your business and certainly shouldn’t be your concern.
- Focus on what makes you happy
Whether it be work, school, or a dream you’ve been wanting to pursue, keep yourself busy. Motivate yourself to do better, live better and be better. Surround yourself with family, friends, and loved ones who genuinely care about you and want to see you happy.
- Last but certainly not least………..Pray, pray, and pray some more!!
This is the best advice I can give someone whose heart has been shattered this way. My faith is what got me through the lowest and roughest times of my life in general. Know that if no one else loves you, GOD LOVES YOU! Ask Him for the healing you need. Cry out to him. I promise He will hear you and give you peace like no one else can.
These are methods I used in my own experience. It wasn’t easy (it still isn’t, I have my days believe me), but with faith and determination I picked myself up, put my big girl panties and stilettos on, and now I’m walking this thing out like the queen God says I am. So can you. I hope I helped someone with this, and remember, don’t let anyone define who you are. Be confident, be courageous, and most of all, BE YOU!! J