One extremely common relationship killer is pretending to be someone you are not. Some of us do it intentionally, but a lot of times people do it subconsciously. We tend to lose ourselves in relationships because we spend so much time trying to be what our partner wants in a mate. Take a moment and ask yourself, what YOU actually want in a relationship. Are you truly happy? If you were to really pull off all the masks and be yourself, would that person still love who you REALLY are? Our need to be loved as human beings tends to make us comprise being our authentic selves so as feel worthy enough for someone who may not be right for us anyway. Check out this great article.
Soooo I ‘m a little disappointed in Mimi. She is way too old, too beautiful and too intelligent for this madness. As many things as I have done in my life I’m the last to judge anyone, but Mimi is no Kim Kardashian. There comes a point in life when we have to stop trying to copy and do what others do and just be ourselves. When are we as women going to stop degrading ourselves and demand respect? You surely cannot expect to be respected and treated like the queen you are if you don’t have it for yourself. I’m just saying.
We all have those moments when we feel overwhelmed by our situations. When it seems like everyone around you is living life happy and carefree while you go home, stuff yourself with fatty snacks, and cry your eyes out. When the world around you seems like it’s moving so fast without you. When you can’t seem to understand how your life ended up such a wreck. How you ended up alone and heartbroken again and again. It’s in those times when we make some of the worst decisions and let some of the most questionable people in our lives. All trying to fill a void, trying to pack the emptiness we feel on the inside. There have been many days and many nights I laid on my face crying my eyes out asking God “why?”. Just wanting someone to understand me. Wanting desperately for someone to “get” me and love me wholeheartedly. It’s in those moments of desperation you have to be very careful not run to the wrong things or the wrong people. In desperation, we accept and put up with things that are way beneath us. We say and do things we would never do if we had our heads on straight. I want to encourage you today to not let your loneliness make you abandon your standard. Don’t let the hurt of the past determine your future. Your time is coming. Don’t rush it. If you settle, you are doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over. Let’s be better. Let’s love better. Let’s live better. Let’s go through the process with patience so that we can receive the greatness God has for us. Remember, know who you are. Be confident, be courageous, be you!!! 🙂
Have you ever been in the situation where you had to watch someone you loved deeply fall for someone else? If you have ever been in this situation, you know how extremely difficult and depressing this can be. How can someone you cared so much for just discard everything you had together? How can they just move on like you meant nothing? Discard you like trash? What do you do? How do you swallow that? You ask yourself questions like “What’s wrong with me? What about all the memories we shared? How could they do this?” No matter what anyone tells you, it’s not simple or easy to deal with. Heartbreak never is. Especially when your now “ex” can seemingly forget about you so easily. Here are some steps I took that helped me get through with my head held high:
- Don’t wallow in self pity
No matter how the end of the relationship came about, BE CONFIDENT. I know this is easier said than done, but know that you are still you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Whatever decision your ex made, that they thought was best for them had nothing to do with who you are as a person. No matter what they say, they still lost you. You are precious, not a commodity.
- Be positive. Be optimistic
You are back on the dating market! You are finally free to mingle and meet someone who actually deserves you. It is going to be a process, but learn to love you exactly as you are. A lot of times when we as women (and men, I’m just speaking from a woman’s perspective) experience something as heart wrenching as this, we tend to beat ourselves up and start to feel worthless. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS!! Just because the jerk you were with couldn’t see your value, doesn’t mean you don’t have any. You are a queen, beautiful and precious. Know that, believe that, and walk with your head up.
- Get rid of all their stuff
This step is very therapeutic and very necessary. Don’t hold onto anything that reminds you of them. This is an important part of the healing process and one of the first steps to moving on with your life. If it makes you think of them no matter how big or small, throw it out! You don’t need it, just like you don’t need them. You will be surprised how free you will feel once you do this.
- Don’t torture yourself by observing every move your ex makes
This ladies (and gents) is one thing that was extremely difficult for me NOT to do. Please take my advice, DON’T DO IT!!! Delete them from Facebook, don’t follow them on twitter, Instagram or any other social media sites. Don’t drive by their house, don’t spy on them, don’t ask about them to mutual friends, just don’t do it. This will only bring you more pain and it will drive you insane (and make you look like a crazy stalker person). Don’t worry about them and what they do. Bottom line is, what they do and how happy they are is not your business and certainly shouldn’t be your concern.
- Focus on what makes you happy
Whether it be work, school, or a dream you’ve been wanting to pursue, keep yourself busy. Motivate yourself to do better, live better and be better. Surround yourself with family, friends, and loved ones who genuinely care about you and want to see you happy.
- Last but certainly not least………..Pray, pray, and pray some more!!
This is the best advice I can give someone whose heart has been shattered this way. My faith is what got me through the lowest and roughest times of my life in general. Know that if no one else loves you, GOD LOVES YOU! Ask Him for the healing you need. Cry out to him. I promise He will hear you and give you peace like no one else can.
These are methods I used in my own experience. It wasn’t easy (it still isn’t, I have my days believe me), but with faith and determination I picked myself up, put my big girl panties and stilettos on, and now I’m walking this thing out like the queen God says I am. So can you. I hope I helped someone with this, and remember, don’t let anyone define who you are. Be confident, be courageous, and most of all, BE YOU!! J
My mom always told me forgiveness is not just for the other person, it’s for me as well. Lately I’ve been having a little trouble in this area. (well…..maybe A LOT of trouble lol) I know all too well that when you don’t forgive someone who wronged you, they have a certain power over you. However, it doesn’t make it any less hard to forgive someone who broke your heart. I’ve made a decision though. I’m going to dig deep down, put my big girl panties on, and tackle this thing head on. I will not let anyone or anything keep me from being truly free. Some serious prayer is in order…………have a goodnight everyone 🙂
I’ve been through a lot hurt and pain but I choose to smile anyway!!
Life is about choices. I must admit, I have made some pretty questionable ones over my 29 yrs. Especially when it came to love. For as long as I can remember, I envisioned meeting the man of my dreams, having a fairytale wedding, etc. You know, the perfect life many of us girls dream about.
Unfortunately, my life turned out to be far from perfect. (Surprise,surprise lol) Before I became a single parent I was married. However, it was FAR from a fairytale wedding and the marriage wasn’t very happy to say the least. My 7 yr old is the one good thing that came from that relationship. When it was over, I was so lost. Didn’t know how I was going get through that heartache. So I did what was the norm for me at that time. To get over him, I found another “temporary fix”. Long story short, I got pregnant again (not by my husband smh) and the father had no desire to be around or there for my baby. So now, here I am a single woman/mother trying to navigate this crazy world and raise two young boys in the process. I’m starting this blog because I want to inspire and uplift all my single women/mothers out there. I want you all to know we all go through some of the same things. Believe me, anything you are going through I’ve probably been there. I am by no means perfect and I certainly don’t have it all together but this is my story and it’s still being written.